Splitpin McGraw the gun shearer

Now Splitpin was quite a shearer you know, he was known far and wide in the bounds that he go in the blink of an eye.

He would shear two hundred sheep and drink til the pub closed with all his mates.

Now the farmers loved this larrikin, he was a likable lad, great sportsman, hard worker and loved women as well.

As season approaches and word got around, lock up the women, Splitpin's in town.

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Now Patrick O'Murphy got word this day, that Splitpin has eyes for his Mary-Jane, With a wily grin he went to bed with windows open and moon shining in,

Fifteen minutes on much to his surprise Mary-Jane was seen running to the old shearing shed,

With his Irish temper rising and sweat rolled from his brow, he cussed the day he introduced this young fella to the town.

Now in desperation he felt for an old flannel on the floor and a pair of shorts and slippers that lay beside his bedroom door,

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And in a fit of rage he scurries down the track and in through the shearing shed to a hole overlooking out back,

As he peeps through a site he was not expecting to see was four legs and bare backside looking him in the eye,

Now with his Irish temper raging and totally out of control he thought for a moment as to what he should do, and in desperation remembered,

An old oiling can so he topped it with turpentine and took careful aim,

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Now with a squirt from the plunger he hit the bullseye,

And gave young Splitpin one hell of a fright, As the pain intensified and in a state of shock he thought for a moment he had been shot.

Now as he rolled around the dusty bare ground clutching his backside in agonising pain.

And looked up and through his teary red eyes he spotted old Paddy with a ‘grin on his dial’ and the lesson he received stuck firmly in his brain,

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Don't mess with the women at old Paddy's farm..

Now an ambulance was called,

Splitpin hospital bound three weeks on a bed laying face down,

Now the odds weer against him right from the start.

Three weeks of pain, for ten minutes of fun.

But it's true to say as we look around he is the only mulesed shearer to work around our town.

By Mulga Bill

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