With four children under four, Benita Bensch sank into a “black hole” of exhaustion, confusion and despair. Now the Moama author and motherhood coach is using her own story, and those of countless women she has worked with, to help mothers understand they are not alone.
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Her newly published book Seen Again: Light on Matrescence explores the often-overlooked transition into motherhood, known as matrescence, and the complex mix of emotions, pressures and expectations that come with it.
Moama author Benita Bensch book, Seen Again, explores the often-overlooked transition into motherhood, known as matrescence.
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"It actually wasn't until after my fourth boy, when he was about seven months old, that I went through this sort of black hole period where I just hit a wall," she said.
"They were four and under, all of them, so it was really intense."
The seed for the book was planted in 2018, shortly after she began recovering from that difficult period.
"I wrote a letter to my local mothers' group," she said.
"It was actually writing that letter and receiving their replies that was the catalyst for the idea of Seen Again."
While she initially believed anxiety was the primary issue, years of further study, coaching and self-reflection helped her realise she was experiencing a broader and deeper transition.
"I didn't know that word until seven years in," she said of matrescence.
"When I started motherhood studies, it was like, 'Whoa, there's a word for this'."
Moama author Benita Bensch with her family at the launch of her new book, Seen Again, at Watson St Pavilion on July 17.
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Jasmin Tarczon
She describes matrescence as the physical, psychological, social and spiritual transition women experience when they become mothers.
“Whether a woman lives on a farm, in a country town or in the city, the longing to feel seen, the questioning of identity and the complexity of matrescence are remarkably universal,” she said.
For many women, she believes the challenge is compounded by unrealistic expectations about what motherhood should look like.
"What we need to understand in motherhood is whose rules and expectations are we trying to live up to, and are they our own?" she said.
"It wasn't just me. There was a reason I was feeling that way."
The author has spent years coaching women, particularly those in regional and farming communities, and said many faced extra pressures.
“One of the additional challenges is that invisible expectation around dividing yourself between being available for the business, running a home and being a mother," she said.
“I do think there's this 'the farm comes first' mentality.”
Moama author Benita Bensch said women often carried a significant emotional and mental load across multiple areas of life.
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She said women often carried a significant emotional and mental load across multiple areas of life, while also feeling pressure to contribute to their communities.
"In the bush, there's a real 'just get on with it' attitude, and that can make you feel even more invisible," she said.
Through her work, she has seen the strain motherhood can place on relationships and believes greater understanding is needed from partners, families and society more broadly.
"I like to think that supporting the mother is supporting the family," she said.
"There's knowledge, there's support, and then there's communication and validating people's needs, so people feel heard, valued, seen and held."
After years of questioning herself, she hopes other mothers will learn from her.
“I think we all need to stop the judgement and comparison,” she said.
“Everyone's experience is unique and individual and most of us are just trying to do the best we can with what we have.”
Moama author Benita Bensch signs a copy of Seen Again at her Echuca book launch.
Photo by
Jasmin Tarczon
Benita will feature at this weekend’s Festival of Stories, hosting a ‘How to tell your story’ workshop on Saturday from 1.30pm to 2.30pm at Echuca library.
Through a short story-led talk, guided prompts and personal writing time, Benita will help people explore, express and connect with their own story.
